As Seen On The Bathroom Wall

Not.

The above is a lovely gift/award from the fabulous Susie the Knitting Knoobie, who has graciously chosen me as one of four individuals whom she thinks is a Kreativ Blogger.

So, in order to fulfill the requirements set in order to receive this prestigious and meaningful award, I shall repeat what must be done:

List six things that make you happy.
Pass the award on to 6 more Kreativ bloggers.
Link back to the person who gave you the award.
Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know.

For myself, the six things that make me happy are as follows:

1. My family. Four children and one husband keep be very busy. Each one of them are so different - unique in their own way - and I cannot help but feel blessed that they are in my life, and that I have been blessed to be a part of theirs. There is nothing more special than being included in the growth of a person, and I am truly thankful that I am allowed such a gift with my family.

2. My friends. I have many acquaintances, but the people whom matter to me enough where I can call them my friends are those whom I feel a special bond with that transcends distance, culture, age, and beliefs. A beautiful friend of mine has a favorite quote that applies to this particular happiness: "Friends are the family you choose for yourself."

3. Reading. Nothing allows you to escape quite like a good book. Whether it's off to a different time, or to a different world, the mind of a child, or that of some alien creature, the words that jump off of a page and transports you to a different reality are priceless indeed. You can glean hope, humor, and perhaps a lesson or two about life from a few pages in a book, or you can have a completely life-altering experience in just a few hundred pages because books allow you to become someone different in just a matter of seconds like nothing else could. The pen is mightier than the sword; no sword ever left a girl lusting after vampires, or boys flying on dragons, and that, my friends, is true magic indeed.

4. Writing. If you cannot find what it is you want to read, that's what writing is for. The worlds that you would love to live in are there in your head, and all you need do to step into them is to put them down on paper, even if only for your own eyes. The written word doesn't just belong to the author from some faraway place. It also belongs to you.

5. Chocolate. No woman should ever live without it. Wars would be fought if chocolate became so scarce, there'd be a shortage. I'm quite cranky when I don't get my fix, and as the husband knows, a cranky korean is far more deadly than an pissed off potogee.

6. Sleep. I don't get enough of it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that has nothing on me and my sleep. If I could, I'd spend an entire week sleeping. As it is, I get to spend a couple of hours in slumber, and those hours are so precious, you... my precious... my PRECIOUS!!!


Okay, back to the requirements. Yeah.

Here are four friend blogs, and one non-friend related blogs that I have chosen for this award. Visit them - or else I won't eat chocolate, and I won't sleep, and I'll hunt you down.

It's a Prozac Life belongs to my partner in forum crime.

A Hippie Liberal Mom Chronicle is the lovechild of Cheech & Chong and Hillary Clinton's Hair Dresser all rolled up into one neat and tidy package of sarcasm. She's a gem, this one.

Overdosing on Nostalgia is the blog maintained by the internet's resident vegan who does what I wish I could if I didn't like the taste of dead flesh so much.

Desperately Seeking Sanity is what happens when a mom of three turns into the coupon clipping maniac who also happens to have a pretty keen sense of humor.

Little Ashes is the unofficial blog for the fictional-account-turned-art-house-film about Salvadore Dali's sensual relationship with close friend, Federico Garcia Lorca. I'm a diehard Dali fan, and am looking incredibly forward to seeing this movie!

Having the ability to reach through the screen and slap a bitch right now would be fantastic. You know you've felt that exact same desire at least ONCE while reading something online. I don't care how patient you are, how religious you think you are, how much of a humanitarian you believe yourself to be. It's not a bad thing, being honest with yourself about your inner desires, so why hide it?

I'm slowly losing my patience with those who consider themselves to be internet warriors. Strong online, but weak in every other regard elsewhere. In the chatroom, they're the ones who say they'll kick your ass for saying something they didn't like. On forum boards, they're the ones who blackmail you with information you've shared in confidence because they "don't like you anymore". It's pretty petty and juvenile, and ranks right up there with the whole "will you be my girlfriend, check yes or no" crap from our time as tweens.

There's a growing need for people to act out online, like toddlers throwing tantrums about not getting their way. They act as violently in text as possible. With as much hate, rancor, and ire as humanly possible. It's one thing to vent your frustrations. I vent all the time. However, I'm not threatening to destroy lives as a result of my frustration or anger. There is a line that you draw in the sand when you choose to take a stand. What most of us never seem to fully comprehend, however, is where we're standing when that line has been drawn.

Which side have we chosen to stand on? Are we standing on the side that we'd want those we care for to be standing on? Or are we standing on the side that would choose against us? Do we become the hero or the villain? And what happens once we've made that choice? Are we bound to the rules that dictate just what exactly makes each one what it is? The definition of good and evil are clear. But as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So here I am standing, looking at this line, so distinct, so clear, and the sides are also just as clear. However, they both appear to be leading directly to my own personal Hell, and while I have no fear of it, I also have no real desire to get there any quicker. Either path will lead to hurting someone, something, and while I can probably live with the consequences, my conscience will keep on knocking on that door in my head that refuses to be opened. And it's that knocking that I'm not sure I can live with.

But, here I go, stepping across that line. I have made my choice. It was obvious a while ago as to which side I would take. Not straddling this line, albeit subtly, anymore.

Or just pissed off people who have nothing else going in their lives.

I have apparently pissed off someone to such an extent, they felt the need to bombard my YIM box with IM after IM of vitriolic asshattery. It was annoying, really, to wake up at 5:30am and see in my offline box message after message from some numerical identity. Apparently all of the GOOD names have been taken. (I know who took them all...that fucking dog food pusball...)

Now, I'm not upset at what was said. I can guarantee you it takes a lot to upset me. (Live with my mother for a year and see if you don't develop a thick skin, too.) It's disturbing, though, knowing that someone out there is so deranged, so demented, so...hurt *tear* by something I did or SAID that they felt the need to act out in such a childish manner.

I'm not going to guess who it was. I could, and probably be right, but there's no need for it. What's done is done. I now know that I have affected someone so much so that they cannot leave it alone (as if we didn't know that already) and felt the need to stretch that hand across the internet to try and touch me back. Well sorry, oh spiteful hand o'douchebaggery. You're an insignificant peon whom should experience just that: being peed on. I reported you for spamming, but Yahoo being Yahoo, you'll probably just be given a warning. 47 times.

Of course, I'll still be here. Laughing at you.

BTW, the NEXT time you PM me, it's "COULDN'T" care less. Not "could". Could implies that you care. And I know you care. Otherwise my PM box would have only been filled with PMs from my friends. You know. The kind that don't have to pay for it.

Cheers!

Clasped together
these hands of ours
locked in the embrace of understanding
Our fingers entwined
sharing space
unconditional, undemanding
Palm to palm
life line to life line
roads that separate but reconnect
Pulse to pulse
blood beneath skin
combined in wondrous affect
Shared thoughts
conflict contrast
collaboration of minds, two
Wholly open
receipt and parcel
of the gift of mutual truth
Friend, are you
heart mind body
glorious are these bonds of mine
To you, my friend
forever indebted
and loved, so blessed am I

(copied from my old myspace blog 6-17-2008)

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

A simple thing, friendship. Simple in that it can be created in the blink of an eye. One minute, you're strangers, the next, you're sharing your deepest secrets.

Far more complex is the end of a friendship.

Often, it simply dies. Quick, slow, the deaths occur either way.

But, there are the rare occasions when you discover that there is no death, for that which does not exist cannot die.

What then, can one do when someone you thought was a friend, chooses to slice you to the core? Betray you with confidences once entrusted to them? Flaunt said confidences? Out of spite? Vindictiveness? Show no remorse? Laugh?

Moreover, what do you do when those around you witness such events, and choose to turn a blind eye? Their voices silent, while you weep? Those who would call you friend in the shadows, but not in the light?

The herd is thinning. Who will the wolf eat, once she's picked off all of the other sheep?

When they came for you, there will be no one left to speak out.

When you find a pair of shoes you like, and that are comfortable, you wear them to the point of disintegration. You don't care if they don't go with that new dress. You don't care if they don't match that bag. You don't care if they're too anything or not enough of something, because damnit, you feel good in them. The same can be said of friendships.

Sometimes, you meet someone you just get along with, just have a good time talking to. It's a good fit. You're comfortable. They don't care if your feet stink. They don't care if you have bunions. They don't care if you need a pedicure badly. They comfort you, keep you steady, while you walk through life.

And, like those shoes, sometimes, you can put them to the side for a bit, needing to wear something else, for different occasions. After a while, you become so busy, you forget about the, resting patiently by the side of the bed, or under the couch. You lose them in the layer of boxes during packing, dust during cleaning, and clothes during washing. All the while, your feet are silently calling for their long lost friend.

And then one day, out of the blue, there they are.

Friend.

Hello again.

I posted this in a forum I have started to revisit after a year long hiatus, and felt like re-posting it here as well.

No ulterior motives. Genuine interest. Contrary to popular belief.

This is a serious question that I think EVERYONE should answer HONESTLY to the best of their ability.

Do YOU consider yourself to be a "LOYAL" friend.

I know that there are some who are only loyal to themselves while portraying the opposite. Those types are easy to sniff out, although they can't seem to smell their own stink. I want to know what you think of yourself. You can be as vain or as self-defeating as you want. No judgements.

I'll go first.

I DO consider myself to be a loyal friend. I hurt when my friends are hurt, and I admit that sometimes, they hurt because of me. I am honest with them, and often times, that hurt stems from said honesty. I don't take any of it back. It's not good for the soul, imo. I stand by my friends even if it hurts me, as they stand by me, or not. My choice, my consequences. I have faltered in many things with my friends, and I try to make amends when the need arises, or has been brought to my attention. I am not perfect. I don't expect anything from anyone except honesty. That might be my biggest failing, since human nature prevents us from being honest all of the time, whether intentionally or due to self-preservation, but I am also forgiving. My second biggest failing would be that I also hold grudges like a bitch in heat in a house full of cats. I simply do not forget shit, and if a "friend", or someone who wasn't truly my "friend", betrays me, or someone I DO consider a friend, well, you're on my shit list for life. I don't profess to be a turn the other cheek Christian, but I do ask God for help in that department, and for the last few years, the only answer I've gotten has been "no", so I apologize in advance to anyone whose feelings I'll hurt because you hurt the feelings of my friends. I cannot get any more loyal than that.