As Seen On The Bathroom Wall

The best ideas come while sitting on the pot.

I love Helen Mirren, the ACTRESS. You know, the career where you're paid to shove someone else's words into your mouth and then spit them out on cue? She's not supposed to have an opinion while she's reading lines, filming a scene, or posing on the red carpet and looking glamorous to promote a film. We, the consumer of her films, like the vapid world of celebrity if it means we, too, don't have to think about anything for a while. Television and movies are a form of escapism for most of us. We don't want to have to work for our entertainment. That's why we pay to watch you. It's why you have that mansion, those cars, and that Harry Winston necklace.

So, why, WHY does Helen feel the need to ruin that perfect set up by opening her mouth and spewing the kind of crap you'd hear from some redneck Joe the Plumber, non-job having asshole half-drunk off his ass in Podunk, USA?

A quote from her recent interview in TimesOnline - UK:

"In a rape case the courts in defence of a man would select as many women as they could for the jury, because women go against women. Whether in a deep-seated animalistic way, going back billions of years, or from a sense of tribal jealousy or just antagonism, I don’t know. But other women on a rape case would say she was asking for it. The only reason I can think of is that they’re sexually jealous."

You know, being a woman who's experienced that whole "jealousy" inducing crime of Rape, I'm not sure how exactly I would be able to sit on a jury panel and think "You know what? Bitch deserved to have her rights to say no taken away from her, have her legs spread open, and have some nasty, grimy cock shoved into her until it physically alters her vagina so badly, she'll need surgery and years of counseling to fix it" and then excuse it as me just not getting any.

Helen claims to have been raped a couple of times. She brushes it off nonchalantly, and that's fine. She dealt with it her way. Unfortunately, it looks like dealing with it includes treating other rape victims worse than the actual rapists. She's got it backwards, though. In most cases, it's the male jurists who will believe that a woman was asking for it. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that perhaps Helen, in all her feminist mystique, might be a bearer of a little penis envy. Perhaps if more women felt the same way that SHE did, she might not feel so badly. Why can the guys do it, but not her, eh?

Helen, stick to making movies. You're good at that. It's your niche. Then again, talking out of your ass is, too. I just hope you don't mind reciting your lines out of there, because your head has been shoved up there so far, they'll need to surgically implant an lavaliere just to hear you.



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