As Seen On The Bathroom Wall

Let's hear it for Jordan Sparks, American Idol winner and proud purity ring wearing virgin. She enters singing contests because she couldn't get a singing contract any legitimate way, and she professes and demonstrates her purity by calling those who don't wear the rings "sluts".

How Christ-like of you, Jordan. How loving, charitable, and kindhearted of you. I'm sure Jesus would be proud of you calling just about every single female you'll EVER meet in your entire life a "slut". It's not like it's wrong to be a judgmental, bigoted, arrogant, ignorant, and self-righteous "Christian", right?

So what exactly did Miss Sparks say?

I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring. Because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.

Now, I never wanted to be a slut. It pissed off many a suitor who wanted to get into my pants, let me tell you, but there are some things that I didn't feel I needed to be sharing with someone I didn't think I'd be with for the rest of my life. That philosophy is shared by millions of women, men, boys, and girls in this country, and is nothing new. However, not wearing a purity ring means equating you to wanting to be a slut is absolutely one of the biggest pieces of sanctimonious garbage I have ever heard. I could chalk this up to her youth, but quite frankly, it's pretty damn difficult to remain so naive in today's age of information and technology. Just ask Bristol Palin.

I cannot say that I've only been with one person in my life, but I can say that for the past 12 years, I have, and that surpasses some of the marriages that some of the holier than thou critics who would praise Miss Sparks for her comments have had. I won't assume that Miss Sparks isn't a virgin. It's easy to be one at that age. However, I will not be surprised if in a year or two, she finds herself still wearing said purity ring, while thinking of impure incidents she had with a paramour or two recently. We've all heard this song and dance before from one celebrity or another, and they've all traveled down the less than stellar chastity road, pulling their foot out of their throats along the way.

So, from all the "sluts" to you, Miss Sparks, here's a little bit of advice. Be pure, be proud, but don't be an ass. You didn't offend me, but I'm fairly certain that there are millions of people out there who have had far more virtuous lifestyles than you who refuse to wear such an obnoxious and prideful piece of jewelry that were, more so out of your lack of Christ-like behavior, all while professing to be just that. It's hypocritical, it's ridiculous, it's just plain ignorant.